The other morning I woke up and made pumpkin pancakes. This, of course, means absolutely nothing to you. To me, however, it was an epiphany.
All week I'd been dreaming of the funfetti pancakes I had stowed away in the back of the cupboard (It's a small package and I'm not into sharing). I went to bed dreaming of the colorful sweetness I'd be enjoying that next morning. Still in a state of groggy confusion, I stumbled to the kitchen as soon as I awoke to get started on my blissful morning treat. As I opened the cupboard, however, something else caught my eye...pumpkin pancake mix. Now, I have seen this box before. In fact, it's been sitting in the cupboard for quite some time, I just hadn't had a chance to try it yet. Suddenly, I wasn't sure what I wanted. As far as I was concerned, I had fully committed to the funfetti pancakes. But why, WHY today was the pumpkin mix taunting me so? Unable to make a decision, I retreated to the shower.
Later, as I enjoyed my delicious breakfast, I actually felt guilty about the funfetti mix still sitting in the cupboard. That's right, read it again: I FELT GUILTY OVER PANCAKES. Really? Is this what life (and our parents) has driven us to? The idea that if you set your mind to something, you must be fully and totally committed and if you're not, then you're a quitter and a bad American.
I'm all for keeping your commitments, but sometimes you just need to do what's right for you. Let's face it, I change my mind more than I change my socks, and why should I feel badly about that? I always know what I want in the moment, but what I want today won't necessarily be what I want tomorrow (i.e. I want to go to Gonzaga University. I want to go to University of Arizona. I want to go to Nanjing University in China. - it's a miracle I graduated).
So when your cozy Murray Hill walk-up turns into an extra-roommate, spider-infested, rat-harboring nightmare...YOU MOVE. Screw the lease and the fortune you spent moving in; just grab your stuff and move on. Why live a life you're not happy with?
I've spent a lot of time lately feeling guilty about my decisions. Nothing has turned out quite as I'd expected, in large part due to my own decision-making, but how boring would life be if you stuck to every dream you ever had and every decision you ever made? I had pumpkin pancakes for breakfast and I can honestly say, from the deepest part of my heart, I have never been happier.
